What I was thinking when Tom and Gatsby were fighting

Today, Gatsby asked me if I truly loved him, or if I was just playing him when, in my heart, I truly loved Tom. I was not really sure what to say when he asked the question that has be on my mind since I first discovered that Gatsby was not only back in town, but was back in my life. On one hand, I did love Gatsby a long time ago when I was a younger women, with less to lose, like my house, and my reputation. On the other hand, I was married to Tom, but i do definitely have feelings for Gatsby; I fell like a cheater. But now, staring Tom in the face, I do not really know what to think. I do love Tom, but I also love Gatsby, and that love has never gone away. What I do not understand is why Gatsby is making me say this stuff in front of Tom. Even though he has done me wrong, and done unforgivable things, I love that man. The pain in his eyes in unbearable when I mutter the words " I never loved him" to Gatsby; such a lie. I may be planning to leave Tom, but something wants me to stay, even if I do not say it. I am just utterly confused and I just stare at them as they fight, unable to speak a word in my, Tom's, or Gatsby's defense. All the courage I had mustered up minutes ago gone, I think it is time to leave this awful place, and give myself some time to work out whom I really want to be with.